Fiona Crackles: "You Realise You’re Playing The Sport You Fell In Love With When You Were Eight"

How would you feel making your international debut against the world’s top ranked team on their home territory?

That’s the reality Fiona Crackles had to face in October 2020 having been called up to the GB squad for the first time to play The Netherlands in the FIH Hockey Pro League.

A solid and assured performance as she helped Mark Hager’s side to a creditable draw may have suggested to those watching that the 20-year-old was unfazed by the situation. But inside she couldn’t have been more nervous.

Recalling how she felt before stepping onto the pitch, she said: “I was bricking it! It was incredible playing the Dutch - they’re in another world - so to have my first cap against them was just something else. 

“Stepping on the pitch, I felt incredibly sick and shaky. Pre-game I tried to put a hydrating tablet in my water bottle and I was physically shaking, I couldn’t get it out and I was like ‘oh my God, I need to re-group!’ 

“But once the whistle goes and you start playing, you realise they’re just other players and normal people. Yes they’re incredible but you just get so engrossed in the game. That was the quickest game of hockey I’d ever played, it was over in a flash. I can barely remember any of it, it’s just a blur.”

During that tour, Crackles and her team-mates experienced their first taste of playing hockey under Covid restrictions, with no fans allowed in the stadium and the team following strict social distancing protocols.

But rather than be a dampener on the experience, the Durham University student admitted that in some ways it made it even more special.

She said: “I felt very lucky and very fortunate to be with a group of girls who were so supportive the whole time. I spoke to a couple of the senior players before my first game and they said ‘you deserve to be here, we’re all in this together’. 

“Even at meal times or when we had to socially distance from each other, in some ways we actually felt closer metaphorically because we were all in this strange situation together. So when we got on the pitch and could actually be closer to each other and play, everyone had this energy and camaraderie because finally we could be together.”

That maiden appearance against the Dutch was the culmination of a whirlwind year for Crackles.

In October 2019 the former Ben Rhydding HC player received her first call up to the GB Elite Development Programme and featured for the senior team in a non-capped friendly against India.

Just 12 months later she was appearing in her maiden competitive international fixtures and performing so well that she was awarded a full-time place on the squad in the lead up to the Tokyo 2020 Olympics.

But the moment that it all finally started to seem real for her was the moment she first touched the ball in that game against the Dutch before reality fully hit when she checked her phone afterwards.

Just 12 months later she was appearing in her maiden competitive international fixtures and performing so well that she was awarded a full-time place on the squad in the lead up to the Tokyo 2020 Olympics.

But the moment that it all finally started to seem real for her was the moment she first touched the ball in that game against the Dutch before reality fully hit when she checked her phone afterwards.

“The first time you get on the ball, it all sinks in and you just realise you’re playing the sport you fell in love with when you’re eight-years-old,” she said.

“After the game, I went back to the hotel and had hundreds of messages of amazing support on my phone from family and friends and that’s when I realised that this was really cool, people had just watched me on TV.

“Just a few months before I could not have predicted or expected it. It still gives me goosebumps thinking about it, it was an incredible couple of days.”

Fast forward a week and, for many people watching, the perception of Crackles had quickly changed from seeing her as a promising newcomer to a must-have member of the team, so impressive were her performances.

This was reflected by the defender being named Player of the Match by the FIH in the final game of the tour against Belgium, something which took her by surprise.

“That was a strange one; I was very shocked,” she recalled. 

“I got a card right before the end so I came off the naughty seat and went to thank the other girls and the Belgians and the official came up to me and said ‘we’ve awarded you Player of the Match’. 

“I actually turned around because I thought he was talking to someone else, not to me. That was really, really bizarre but an amazing thing to top off the trip really. I’ve got the trophy next to me and I keep looking at it thinking ‘oh yeah that did happen, it wasn’t just a dream’.”